Trying Again

Many people know my struggles w/ fertility. We've been trying to conceive for two years now, to no avail. I was seeing a fertility specialist, but didn't get anywhere. He was not the kindest of men, nor did he share much information with me. The staff seemed incompetent and I was scared just sitting in one of their offices because of the area and the clientele. Apparently, the accepted any and all forms of insurance. Another issues, my insurance doesn't cover anything under the "fertility/infertility" umbrella, so I was paying completely out of pocket. The whole process became an impersonal, scheduled chore. So, last March when we decided to start looking for a house, I decided to stop seeing the specialist.

When you're trying to get pregnant, everyone in the world has opinions and suggestions. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "It will happen when it's meant to be", "As soon as you stop trying and forget about it, you'll get pregnant", "Don't think about it". It really gets quite frustrating. Not to mention that it seems to also be the time when all of your friends seem to get knocked up accidentally. It's not that you're not happy for them, because you really truly are ecstatic, it's that you're haunted w/ thoughts like "why not me? what's wrong with me?"

Since we were purchasing our first house and I was starting a new job I did have a glimmer in my mind. Everyone says you'll get pregnant when you stop worrying about it. Well, now I have two new things to worry about: House, Work. How inconvenient would it be if I got pregnant when I started a new job and needed extra money to make a new mortgage payment?? How inconvenient and yet PERFECT!!!! This would serve as the perfect distraction and thus I'd get pregnant, like magic!

NOT! This is indeed not how it worked out.

Back in the fall, a former coworker of mine informed me that her daughter had finally got pregnant. She'd been trying with no luck as well. She had even gone through several rounds of IVF. My friend gave me the titles of two books her daughter recommended, both of which are about how traditional Chinese medicine helps with infertility. They get into the internal weather of your body and how to create balance through the systems using diet, herbs, acupuncture, and exercise. I read most of one of the books. It seemed very interesting, until I got to the foods suggested. They were a bit extreme and out there for me. Many of which I wouldn't even know where to find. So, I put it down.

I ran into this former coworker again yesterday. Her daughter is due at the first of April and also mentioned that I should call her. My friend said that her daughter swore by the woman she saw. During her first visit, the Dr. placed a finger on her forhead and one on her abdomen. She then asked if the girl was in the water a lot because she has a cold womb. Turns out that she is always in the water, has been on the swim team and is an avid scuba diver. She received acupuncture and herbs from the dr. and continued to see her for 3 months. She had the girl rubbing castor oil on her tummy to help warm it up and she was drinking a tonic nightly. When my friend's daughter went in during the third month, the dr. told her that was the month she'd get pregnant. Sure enough she did.

This had intrigued me yet again. I explained to my friend that I had seen an acupuncturist once, but he wanted me to come a few times a week for several months. At $70 a visit, that was way too much for me to afford. But, when I heard her daughter only went every other week, I decided to look into it again. Last night I spent quite a bit of time online researching local acupuncturists and practioners of traditional chinese medicine. I found one in South Tampa who seemed promising. There was an article in the paper about her and also a story on one of the news stations. I also found another which is located much closer, near work, and slightly less money. Both doctors emailed me back within twelve hours of my email to them. I think I'm going to try the doctor who's closer first because it's more convenient and slightly less money. I've asked to book an appt. for next week. I'll see how I feel after my initial consultation and acupuncture treatment. If I get a good read from her, I'll continue to see her. Her website does say that she specializes in women's health, which makes me feel good. If it all doesn't work out, I'll visit the other practitioner in S. Tampa.

Here's to crossing our fingers and hoping all goes well. I've also decided to start making healthier choices. Not necessarily to aid in conception, but because I'd really like to slim down my figure like it used to be. I've cut out soda's and most of my snacks. Meals this week have consisted of fruit and hard boiled egg whites for breakfast w/ my morning coffee, mixed nuts for snack, yogurt and lunch meat for lunch, maybe another piece of fruit for snack, and then whatever Randy makes for dinner (it's always something healthy). We've been taking the dogs on long walks and I even dusted off the treadmill. Today we'll go geocaching which helps get in many miles of walking while having a blast at the same time. I know I can do this, I used to be a personal trainer afterall. It's just a matter of being disciplined enough to stick with it.

Buff to Fluff (back to buff??)

i've been wondering lately, "what the heck happened?" when randy and i started dating, what seems like eons ago, i really took an initiative to start working out seriously. i dropped forty pounds and went from a size 15 down to a 0-2. i managed to stay in that range for a year or so. working out was a central part of my life. i even got my certification in personal training and did that on the side, in addition to teaching.

perhaps, when i quite training, is when my decline began. they gym i worked at, and had a membership to, screwed us over. i got slapped with several months charges after i stopped working for them and they also raised rates without informing us ahead of time. with all of that i said, screw it! i left and went to a smaller gym that was closer to work.

smaller, much smaller! and not as neat, rather dusty and dingy. randy stopped going to the gym altogether and my friend who signed up with me stopped going as well. so i was left all alone at the not so wonderful gym. wedding time last year, i was about a 4-6. no biggie what so ever.

that will be a year ago on July 15th. so, here we are, again a year later, and i am now wearing a sz 9! i have gone up at least 15 pounds! screw the freshman 15, i've got the newlywed 15. and toward the end of the school year with all of the moving and packing and what not, i never made it to they gym. haven't been to the gym in a couple months in fact. and now that its summer time, i don't want to drive to the other side of town to work out at a gym i'm not happy with.

enter, LA Fitness. just opened up the first of the month, maybe 2 miles from the house (probably not even that far). i went there yesterday to check it out~ FA-BU-LOUS! it's the same price as i'm paying now (my old gym started cheap, like $20, how the hell am i paying so much?!) but i get a whole hell of a lot more! they have tons of equipment, machines, cardio, a great free weight area, basketball, racketball, pool, sauna. i walked in and immediately felt inspired. this could be what i need to energize my life. get back into the shape i once was and will hopefully be again.

we have a ton of co-workers (many of which don't need to be there) going to a certain doctor for weight loss. he has them on a couple different amphetamines (i know at least one of them was in phen-phen, you know, that stuff that was banned!), they get their B12 shots, and eat, ready for this?, 500 calories a day. sure they drop weight like you wouldn't believe. but they also look terrribly gaunt, have awful tempers, and no meat on their bodies what so ever! it's gross, and it makes me angry. and meanwhile, it's all the rage at work~ "Oh look how great, so and so looks!" they get praise and glory. What really pisses me off is that I lost all my weight a few years ago, they RIGHT way! and my body was kick ass and toned. yet, i didn't get half the attention these girls are getting. not that i want the attention, that's not my point. the point is i actually got off my ass, worked out, and ate correctly. i didn't need to subject my body to harmful drugs and starve myself.

arggggggggggggg...... i really didn't mean for this to turn into a rant. but i guess it did.

on that note, i think i'll go make breakfast.