Trying Again

Many people know my struggles w/ fertility. We've been trying to conceive for two years now, to no avail. I was seeing a fertility specialist, but didn't get anywhere. He was not the kindest of men, nor did he share much information with me. The staff seemed incompetent and I was scared just sitting in one of their offices because of the area and the clientele. Apparently, the accepted any and all forms of insurance. Another issues, my insurance doesn't cover anything under the "fertility/infertility" umbrella, so I was paying completely out of pocket. The whole process became an impersonal, scheduled chore. So, last March when we decided to start looking for a house, I decided to stop seeing the specialist.

When you're trying to get pregnant, everyone in the world has opinions and suggestions. I can't tell you how many times I've heard, "It will happen when it's meant to be", "As soon as you stop trying and forget about it, you'll get pregnant", "Don't think about it". It really gets quite frustrating. Not to mention that it seems to also be the time when all of your friends seem to get knocked up accidentally. It's not that you're not happy for them, because you really truly are ecstatic, it's that you're haunted w/ thoughts like "why not me? what's wrong with me?"

Since we were purchasing our first house and I was starting a new job I did have a glimmer in my mind. Everyone says you'll get pregnant when you stop worrying about it. Well, now I have two new things to worry about: House, Work. How inconvenient would it be if I got pregnant when I started a new job and needed extra money to make a new mortgage payment?? How inconvenient and yet PERFECT!!!! This would serve as the perfect distraction and thus I'd get pregnant, like magic!

NOT! This is indeed not how it worked out.

Back in the fall, a former coworker of mine informed me that her daughter had finally got pregnant. She'd been trying with no luck as well. She had even gone through several rounds of IVF. My friend gave me the titles of two books her daughter recommended, both of which are about how traditional Chinese medicine helps with infertility. They get into the internal weather of your body and how to create balance through the systems using diet, herbs, acupuncture, and exercise. I read most of one of the books. It seemed very interesting, until I got to the foods suggested. They were a bit extreme and out there for me. Many of which I wouldn't even know where to find. So, I put it down.

I ran into this former coworker again yesterday. Her daughter is due at the first of April and also mentioned that I should call her. My friend said that her daughter swore by the woman she saw. During her first visit, the Dr. placed a finger on her forhead and one on her abdomen. She then asked if the girl was in the water a lot because she has a cold womb. Turns out that she is always in the water, has been on the swim team and is an avid scuba diver. She received acupuncture and herbs from the dr. and continued to see her for 3 months. She had the girl rubbing castor oil on her tummy to help warm it up and she was drinking a tonic nightly. When my friend's daughter went in during the third month, the dr. told her that was the month she'd get pregnant. Sure enough she did.

This had intrigued me yet again. I explained to my friend that I had seen an acupuncturist once, but he wanted me to come a few times a week for several months. At $70 a visit, that was way too much for me to afford. But, when I heard her daughter only went every other week, I decided to look into it again. Last night I spent quite a bit of time online researching local acupuncturists and practioners of traditional chinese medicine. I found one in South Tampa who seemed promising. There was an article in the paper about her and also a story on one of the news stations. I also found another which is located much closer, near work, and slightly less money. Both doctors emailed me back within twelve hours of my email to them. I think I'm going to try the doctor who's closer first because it's more convenient and slightly less money. I've asked to book an appt. for next week. I'll see how I feel after my initial consultation and acupuncture treatment. If I get a good read from her, I'll continue to see her. Her website does say that she specializes in women's health, which makes me feel good. If it all doesn't work out, I'll visit the other practitioner in S. Tampa.

Here's to crossing our fingers and hoping all goes well. I've also decided to start making healthier choices. Not necessarily to aid in conception, but because I'd really like to slim down my figure like it used to be. I've cut out soda's and most of my snacks. Meals this week have consisted of fruit and hard boiled egg whites for breakfast w/ my morning coffee, mixed nuts for snack, yogurt and lunch meat for lunch, maybe another piece of fruit for snack, and then whatever Randy makes for dinner (it's always something healthy). We've been taking the dogs on long walks and I even dusted off the treadmill. Today we'll go geocaching which helps get in many miles of walking while having a blast at the same time. I know I can do this, I used to be a personal trainer afterall. It's just a matter of being disciplined enough to stick with it.

Infertility Woes

i haven't posted anything about this, but i feel the need to vent a bit.

DH and i have been trying for a baby for about seven months now. the problem is that my body doesn't seem to want to cooperate. since going off the pill, i haven't been able to have a normal period. maybe some spotting and at very lengthy cycles.

my obgyn, who i love, who saw me thru' my cervical cancer days, has been treating me with provera and clomid. the first month was all screwy because after the provera, i never got an actual period, just some spotting. didn't know if we should have called that a "period" or not. dr. said not to take the clomid because the lining of my uterus is most likely too thin and so needs to be fluffed. good medical term, "fluffed".

and so i was prescribed another medicine, Premarine (named so because its from Pregnant Mare Urine... yup, you got it folks, horse pee!) and immediately after that i was to take more provera to bring on that celebrated period. again, i only got spotting, but we counted it as day 1. a few days goes by and on day 5-9 i take the clomid. all pills are done for a few weeks.

we have a flow chart on our fridge that we are supposed to follow. our sex life all scripted out for us (romantic, right?). so we follow that flowchart almost to a T. the last day got mucked up because i was sick and nauseous but we made up for it the day after that.

and so the waiting began.... i was to expect menses any day from CD #28-30. those days came and went w/ no sign of a period. of course i peed on several sticks in the meantime to see if i was prego. i felt like it~ exhausted, dizzy, nauseous, slightly crampy. but, to my avail, all sticks of pee were negative. on the flow chart it said to try again on CD 35, which i did~ still negative.

ARGHHHHHHH!!!!! where the fuck is my period?!?!?!


so, i called up my doc yesterday and left a message (because that's what the flow chart says to do). the nurse called me back and said they're going to try one more cycle of provera and clomid. this time instead of 50mg we're upping it 100mg. research shows that those on clomid should ovulate during their second treatment (if not on the first). if i don't ovulate this time around, my dr. is referring me to a reproductive specialist.

i'm not sure how i feel about that. my immediate thought is $$$. however, i'm also thinking specialist=knowledge. perhaps enough to figure out what my problem is right away (wishful thinking, i know).

in the meantime, i'm going to see an acupuncturist today for a consultation. at bunco last month, a friend of mine suggested that i try acupuncture for infertility. she then sent me a ton of information thru' school mail. in there was a certificate for a free consultation. i've been reading up on it, and at the very least it should help me relax. apparently w/ infertility it could be because of a Liver Qi stagnation. this apparently happens to people who've been on the pill for awhile. it causes the blood to not flow as freely and symptoms include irregular periods w/ light flow or clotting, worry, stress, sighing and headaches. acupuncture, done at the right time of a woman's cycle, is supposed to free up this meridian and allow the blood to flow more smoothly.

worth a shot :o)